The first day of Christmas break has past; only thirteen more to go. It’s been so long since I’ve journaled or blogged or done any real reflecting, I’m not completely sure why. It might just be that I got behind in Mexico and when I get behind in something I procrastinate even more because I know that it will take a long time to catch up. In the end I have to catch up even more because I put it off. In 24/7 if you put off journaling for more than two days it’s like your weeks behind.
I think that maybe part of the reason is that I’m scared to process and reflect on what has been going on in my life the last few weeks. The last week of Mexico was hard, I’m not gonna lie. It pushed me and challenged me and showed me some things in me that I didn’t really want to see. God has been doing things and revealing things in me and in my life that I don’t really want to think about. I think this is why I haven’t journaled in forever. I don’t want to sit and think through what is going on for too long because I don’t want to deal with it.
It’s so easy for me to just get by. I go into survival mode and I can just keep going, doing whatever needs to be done, and just get it done; coast. It’s easy, I don’t have to think about anything I just do and don’t have to think. In a lot of ways it’s easier than having lots of time to sit and think and process what’s going on in my life. I’m not sure why I’m so scared to process my life though...
That is the goal of this first week of break. To take the time to think through everything that I’ve been going through, everything God is doing in my life, everything that I’ve been pushing to the back of my mind. Going to face my thoughts and work through them. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I know it’s going to be good though. Now I just have to get caught up on the journaling...wish me luck.
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