Hunger...It's consuming me...

I feel like I'm withering away into nothingness. I'm so hungry my stomach is eating itself!! Not really but I felt like being dramatic. So this whole diet thing is getting old, I miss food. But I did weigh today and I've lost 3 pounds *snaps for zuzu* Oh and Brittany lost 5 pounds! *snaps for brittany* My one light in this darkness that is dieting is these amazing weight watchers ice cream bars that are simply divine. Like I would eat these even if I wasn't on a diet they are so good and they are only....1 point!! praise Jesus there is hope! I just might make it through this alive!

I have decided that I am going to come up with a line of food that is cheap, healthy, and tastes good and takes away the hunger. Because seriously pretty much the way it is is if it tastes good and is cheap and filling then its gonna make you fat...What is wrong with this world?!?! I need to have a talk with whoever is in charge of that cuz he needs to make some changes.

Ok so I'm taking defensive driving online and the little chapter quiz questions crack me up

Determine a safe speed to travel based on __________.
the volume level of your music
road conditions, traffic density, how far you can see ahead
how late you are for an appointment
the fastest speed your vehicle can go


Hmm I can't decide between the volume level of my music and the fastest my car can go...Seriously I wanna know who gets that question wrong. Who is really that dumb??


Well I am going to sleep...It's my new theory during this diet thing where if you just go to sleep the hunger will go away. So I'm going to go test my theory. Good night all.

Feeling better today

So today started off like pretty much any other day, except I slept in really late cuz I was up late fighting off the effects of meds I was on but that is another story. Anyway normal day, I get to youth and we were worshipping and after the two fast songs were over and everyone had stopped jumping and dancing and being crazy for Jesus my stomach started hurting really bad and I felt like I was about to throw up. And I'm standing there thinking "no I can't go throw up I wanna worship God I don't wanna miss anything" So I ignored it and it got worse and worse and I seriously felt like any second I was gonna, pardon the graphic term but, blow chunks. So I dropped to my knees and said no I'm here to worship God and I pressed in and praised and worshipped and thanked God and just sat in His presense and pretty soon I realized, hey my stomach feels fine, I don't feel like I need to throw up anymore. And I sat there and I felt God say, "See, all you have to do is worship me and keep your focus on me and I will take care of everything."

So after that and then going out to eat with some friends and talking about Jesus I'm totally pumped and its awesome. I'm happy that I'm back to being pumped about Jesus again.

Right now I rebuke Satan and his crap he keeps bringing back into my head. I AM NOT FAT!!! I AM NOT UGLY!! AND I AM NOT A DEPRESSED LONELY CUTTER!!!! I will never go back to that Satan!!! You know why, because Jesus died for me so that I can go to Him with my problems and YOU HAVE NO HOLD ON ME!! I AM NOT THE SAME!!!! I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!! SO BEAT IT DEVIL!!! I'M SO OVER YOU!

Dude Jesus is awesome...

Just venting...Feel free to disreguard...

Do you ever have those moments where you wonder if you really are good at anything?

Or if you're even an interesting person that people actually want to be around?

Where you just sit there and look at your life and yourself and just kinda of reflect and then wonder how you even have any friends at all?

I've been reflecting lately and I don't like what I see. Because to be perfectly honest I see a spoiled immature sarcastic brat of an 18 yr old that can't get along with her parents, that isn't an interesting entertaining person, that can't make decisions and when she tries they always end up being the wrong ones, that is just not a very nice, fun, friendly, outgoing person. I don't want to be like my parents, but I see more and more of them in me everyday and I hate it, I don't want to be like them. And I don't want to be that kind of parent, I don't want my kids to resent me like that...Most of this is probably just me being hard on myself and having a low self esteem moment, but sometimes I seriously wonder why my friends even like me, or if they just keep me around cuz they feel sorry for me...I havent had those thoughts in a long time and it kind of scares me...And then I feel stupid for even thinking them...I thought I was done with this...

I'm starting to second guess myself about my decision to go to colorado...I was so sure that's what God wanted me to do...But the more I think about it the more I think that I'm wrong for thinking that I could do that...It's a worship leader training school...worship leaders sing...I can't sing...and what am I expecting to do after I go thru the school? I'm sure not gonna go lead worship at some church. Won't that be waisting money if I go to a school that teaches me something I'm not even going to use as a career? Am I just wanting to go because it's the easiest way to get out of my house?

I really thought I was over this stupid self pity I'm not good enough thinking...Why does it keep coming back? Jesus why does it keep coming back? I thought it was gone...I want to like the person that I am...I want to take a complete 360 and start over with everything and change completely but I don't even know where to start...

Let the rain fall down

Wow its been forever since my last post on here. I don't have enough time to catch you up right now but I will soon. The most exciting news is that there has been a new addition to my family...of guitars. Lilly is my new baby, she is a beautiful Mitchell acoustic. That makes 3, its a lot for a single mom but I'm up for the challenge and can't wait until God blesses me with another.

I'm tan! There is another story to my tan that is rather gross and ugly that I won't get into right now but for the most part I am tan and that is all you need to know.

It's raining...and thundering...and my power can't decide if it is going to go out or stay on so it is flickering like crazy...


Well that is all I have time for at the moment as I have to go to the wonderful place that is the jaw doctor *insert boo's here* I will write again soon with a more informative update.

Later yo

This is a blog...You should read it...

Hello fellow bloggers how are you today? I am fine

K so I'm kinda getting bored with these font choices I'm not gonna lie....

Today I made it through the event I have been dreading for about 6 months, graduation, and now that it is over I am indescribably relieved. But also incredibly bummed cuz tomorrow afternoon I am leaving to go Galvestin for like a week for senior trip and will not get to see my wonderful best friend:-( I am trying really hard to be optimistic and try to have fun on this trip (that btw my mother is going on) I'm sure it won't be that bad but I'm not exactly looking forward to it. I can really only take so much of this combination of girls for so long (especially with my mother present) But we will see how this goes. I'm sure I will be posting a lot while I'm there out of boredom so be prepared.

The Outcast conference was a huge success. God did so many amazing things this week and it was incredible. Every night I wanted to just keep going, keep worshipping, keep singing, cuz God is just so awesome I didn't want to stop. It was like a preview of what heaven will be like without the sweat and tireness. I'm so excited to go to heaven like wow.

For some reason I have been burping like a guy lately. I never used to burp ever and then randomly a few months ago they just started coming out. Like my burper was turned off and somehow got activated randomly...hmm...I think I will research that

Well I really should be either packing or sleeping, probably sleeping more than packing cuz that 45 min nap I took on the living room floor today just didn't cut it.

Later dudes

Just one sec

Hey blogger peeps

Well I'm pretty darn tired so this is going to be short. I just felt that I should post a blog in honor of the fact that I am DONE WITH HIGHSCHOOL!!!!!!!!! so ya. Just thought I'd let the world of bloggers know that.


So the Outcast conference is just plain amazing, tomorrow is the last night and I'm so flipping excited but kind of sad because it's almost over. There are just no words to even describe everything that has happened at the conference so far its just like wow. God is good. And that is the understatement of the century.


I'm going to go to sleep now because I'm very exhausted.
Night bloggers

I can think of no title for this...

Sup Bloggers

So I think I'm finally getting the hang of this whole blogger thing...maybe...I've still got a few things to fix but I'm working on it.

Starting today, this week is going to be the craziest, busiest, most insanely chaotic week of my life thus far...I will spare you the details as by the time I finished telling you it would be well into the week and you would probably have a pretty bad brain overload*and we wouldn't want that now would we?*

On another note I have officially FINISHED Worldview 3. I made it! I survived!! I can't believe it I'm still in awe. Now only two more days of class left and I am through with highschool forever! That is very exciting.

Ok well blogger peeps I'm gonna hafta go now because the food is here and if you know me at all you know that where the food is, zuzu will be also.

Later dudes