Do you ever have those moments where you wonder if you really are good at anything?
Or if you're even an interesting person that people actually want to be around?
Where you just sit there and look at your life and yourself and just kinda of reflect and then wonder how you even have any friends at all?
I've been reflecting lately and I don't like what I see. Because to be perfectly honest I see a spoiled immature sarcastic brat of an 18 yr old that can't get along with her parents, that isn't an interesting entertaining person, that can't make decisions and when she tries they always end up being the wrong ones, that is just not a very nice, fun, friendly, outgoing person. I don't want to be like my parents, but I see more and more of them in me everyday and I hate it, I don't want to be like them. And I don't want to be that kind of parent, I don't want my kids to resent me like that...Most of this is probably just me being hard on myself and having a low self esteem moment, but sometimes I seriously wonder why my friends even like me, or if they just keep me around cuz they feel sorry for me...I havent had those thoughts in a long time and it kind of scares me...And then I feel stupid for even thinking them...I thought I was done with this...
I'm starting to second guess myself about my decision to go to colorado...I was so sure that's what God wanted me to do...But the more I think about it the more I think that I'm wrong for thinking that I could do that...It's a worship leader training school...worship leaders sing...I can't sing...and what am I expecting to do after I go thru the school? I'm sure not gonna go lead worship at some church. Won't that be waisting money if I go to a school that teaches me something I'm not even going to use as a career? Am I just wanting to go because it's the easiest way to get out of my house?
I really thought I was over this stupid self pity I'm not good enough thinking...Why does it keep coming back? Jesus why does it keep coming back? I thought it was gone...I want to like the person that I am...I want to take a complete 360 and start over with everything and change completely but I don't even know where to start...
1 comment:
Worship school is worship school... its called that for a reason if it was only meant to help worship leaders it would be called worship leader school.
Next as far as the flaws we were talking about in the car yesterday I was giving examples when are you going to learn to not take anything I say seriously because half of the time I am being an idiot.
Seriously girl your better than this. You know you are so be bigger than your situation and just do it (like nike ;-)
I am one to talk you know my battles you know what I am going through but dont let that bring you down. You are stronger than you think.
Start liking yourself believe me when I say you are more likable than you think and if people didnt think so they wouldnt be your friends no one can pretend all the time
Post a Comment