Hello fellow blogger people,
So I finally figured out how to add friends on this thing, no thats a lie, Brittany figured it out and I watched. But I finally have a friend on here so its ok!!
Well I hope everyone is having a good friday night. I am currently babysitting and watching the movie Alvin and the Chipmunks which I had to fight with the kids to get to watch. I highly recommend this movie to anyone with a sense of humor.
I wonder if anyone in history has had a head ache so painful and intense that they cut their head off..."Wow ZuZu that's about the most random stupid thing I've ever heard of" you say...Well I wonder this because I am presently experiencing the mother of all head aches and considering cutting my head off...I think it would be an interesting look. Maybe even a new fashion trend
Well that is enough randomness for now...tune in next time for more randomness with ZuZu thank you and good night.
1 comment:
The Freshman
Willow: Professor Walsh is supposed to be great, she's, like, world renowned.
Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nouned first?
Willow: Yes, first there's the painful nouning process.
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Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to and then I just got really busy.
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Buffy: It's nice that you're excited.
Willow: It's just that in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon, you really had to work to learn anything. But here... the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force. This penetrating force.. and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place just thrust into and spurt knowledge into... [considers what she's saying] That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
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Willow: [spots Oz] Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on campus boyfriend!
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up, the line's probably really long now too.
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Buffy: It's too bad Giles couldn't be librarian here. Be convenient.
Willow: Well, he says he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure.
Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for unemployed?
Willow: Uh-huh, he's a slacker now.
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Willow: He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all fifty states.
Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii?
Willow: Well, he seemed so determined.
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Buffy: Can't wait till mom sees the price of these books. I hope it's a funny aneurysm.
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Professor Walsh: Okay, this is Psych 105. Introduction to Psychology. I am Professor Walsh. Those of you who fall into my good graces will come to know me as Maggie, those of you who don't will come to know me by the name my T.A.'s use and think I don't know about: The Evil Bitch-Monster of Death.
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Eddie: On Human Bondage, have you ever read it?
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back.
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Chubby Vamp: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple.
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Buffy: You saw the grand canyon?
Xander: Well, I saw the movie Grand Canyon, on cable. Really lame.
Buffy: Huh?
Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous "Ladies Night" club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. Nobody really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night, when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say, I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the loving arms of my parents, where everything is exactly as it was, except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers?
Xander: No power on this earth!
Living Conditions
Willow: Happy hunting.
Buffy: Wish me monsters.
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Buffy: You guys can do the brain thing, I'm gonna go to class.
Oz: Which could also be construed as the 'brain thing'.
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Buffy: ... so then Kathy's like, "It's share time." And I'm like, "Oh yeah? Share this!"
[She punches the air.]
Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?
Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.
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Buffy: You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer!
[She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.]
Buffy: She's... other really bad things.
Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
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Willow: [on the phone with Rupert Giles] Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. [pause] No, not bitchy crazy, more like... homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, OK?
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The Harsh Light of Day
Anya: I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams, you're all naked.
Xander: Really? You know, if I'm in the checkout lane at the Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.
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Anya: I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped. And, frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now.
Xander: And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
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Xander: Whoa! Giles has a TV! Everybody... Giles has a TV, he's shallow like us!
Fear, Itself
Anya: You haven't called. Not once!
Xander: You said you were over me.
Anya: And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear.
Xander: Well, that's the funny thing about me. I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value.
Anya: That's stupid.
Xander: I accept that.
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Willow: I'm Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how I was almost burnt at the stake. And, plus, she has that close relationship with God.
Xander: [to Oz] And you are?
[Oz reveals a name tag that says "God".]
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[Oz switches off the sound system.]
Buffy: Thank the lord!
Oz: You're welcome.
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[Buffy and her friends are helping themselves to Giles' Halloween candy]
Buffy: There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate...
Willow: I think I'm gonna barf.
Buffy: ... except that.
Beer Bad
Willow: Aren't you too young to be a bartender?
Xander: Au contraire, mon frere.
Buffy: Mon frere means brother.
Xander: Mon girl-frere. Behold! [holds up a fake ID]
Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.
Xander: What gives it away?
Willow: Looking at it.
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Willow: Buffy that is my best friend you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.
Xander: Nothing can defeat the penis! [looks around] Too loud, very unseemly.
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Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
Giles: You knew it was beer!
Xander: Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
Giles: It was the early seventies, and you should know better.
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Xander: And was there a lesson in all this? huh? What did we learn about beer?
Buffy: Foamy.
Xander: Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This'll give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of being mean to me!
Wild at Heart
Willow: Oz, don't you love me?
Oz: My whole life, I've never loved anything else.
The Initiative
Riley: There is definitely something off about her.
Friend: Maybe she's Canadian.
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Giles: Based off of Buffy's description I believe the men we are after for look something like, uh, like this…
Xander: The latest in fall fascism. I like it but a bit full in the hips for my tastes.
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Buffy: You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some.
Professor Walsh: It's not my job to coddle my students.
Buffy: You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. [exits]
Professor Walsh: I like her.
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Willow: OK, say that I help and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world's made for you two and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.
Riley (taken aback): Yep, that's the plan.
Willow: I figured it was.
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[Willow advises Riley about catching Buffy's eye.]
Willow: Then talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun.
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[Spike, having tricked Willow into inviting him into her dorm room, prepares to attack her.]
Spike: I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me.
Willow [frightened]: I'll scream!
Spike: Bonus. [moves toward Willow's neck]
...
[A short time later, Spike sits on Willow's bed, confused and disconsolate. Willow still cowers from him.]
Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
Willow [timidly trying to offer comfort]: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again.
[He tries to attack Willow again, only to crumple in searing pain from a microchip the Initiative scientists implanted in his brain.]
Spike: Ow ow ow! Dammit!! [kicks a dresser]
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me it doesn't!
...
Spike [desperate and embarrassed]: I'm only 126!
Willow: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...
[Finally realizing the insanity of her advice, Willow grabs a lamp, smashes it over Spike's head and tries to flee the room.]
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Buffy: Last night, at the party - you wanted to tell me something?
Riley: Oh, yeah. Very important stuff. I don't remember any of it now, but you would have been fascinated, possibly even moved. Did Willow tell you I like cheese?
Buffy [smiles]: You're a little peculiar.
Riley: I can live with that.
Pangs
Willow: Thanksgiving isn't a-about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another! A-and then they make animated specials about the part where... w-with the maize and th-the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where... where all the bison die, a-and Squanto takes a musketball in the stomach!
Buffy: Okay, now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?
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Buffy: With Mom at Aunt Darlene's this year, I'm not getting a Thanksgiving. Maybe it's just as well.
Anya: Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: It's not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice... with pie.
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Anya: Soon, he'll be sweating. I'm imagining having sex with him again.
Buffy: Imaginary Xander is quite the machine.
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Buffy: It's a sham, but it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham.
Willow: You're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.
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Anya: I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon, you look like you're getting all of them.
Xander: Okay, I'll stay. But you should go, you could catch it.
Anya: We'll die together, It's romantic... Help me get your trousers off.
Xander: You're a strange girlfriend.
Anya: I'm a girlfriend?
Xander: Oh, there's a chance I'm delirious.
Anya: Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far I like it.
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Buffy: Native American. We don't say Indian.
Giles: Oh, oh, right, yes. Always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as bloody colonials.
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Buffy: The thing is, I like my evil like I like my men. Evil. You know, straight-up, black hat, tie you to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy Metropolis, bad. Not all mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture.
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Spike: Oh, someone put a stake in me!
Xander: You gotta lot of volunteers in here.
Spike: I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Willow: Uh, the preferred term is-
Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Buffy: Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Spike: Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?
Willow: We don't wanna fight anyone.
Buffy: I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
Spike: Heh heh. Yeah...Good luck.
Willow: If we could talk to him--
Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.
Giles: I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.
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Anya: Uh, you're gonna get vesicles and pustules. They have pictures.
Xander: I hate this guy.
Willow: He's just doing what was done to him.
Xander: I didn't give him syphilis!
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Buffy cuts the Indian with his own knife, thinking she can defeat him. Instead, he changes into a huge bear.
Spike: A bear! You made a bear!
Buffy: I, I didn't mean to.
Spike: Undo it, undo it!
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Xander: Hey, Gentle Ben, over here! (Throws an apple at the bear) That's for giving me syphilis!
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The fight is over and the indians are dead. The Gang are trying to get some fresh air, while Spike lies on his back on the floor with all the arrows in him.
Spike: What happened? Did we win?
Something Blue
Giles: Look, Spike - we have no intention of killing a harmless... uh, creature... we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent...
Spike: Hey!
Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're...
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy -
Buffy: [sarcastically] Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
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Spike:Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?
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Xander: (sees Willow on the dance floor, spaced out and too happy) I believe that's the dance of a brave little toaster.
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Willow: Yeah... I-I know I've been sort of a party-poop lately, so I said to myself, "Self!" I said, "It's time to shake and shimmy it off."
Buffy: Sounds like a good policy.
Willow: Yeah! And it works, too. You know, I figure, in the grand scheme of things, we're all just-
[Willow grabs her jacket and from underneath it falls a bottle of beer, its contents foaming out.]
Buffy: Drunk...?
Willow: Drunk... That's such a-a strong word. Kind of a guttural Anglo-Saxon word. Drunk.
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Buffy: One more word out of you, and I swear...
Spike: Swear, what? You're not gonna do anything to me. You don't have the stones.
Buffy: Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of... stones.
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Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you want to be "William the Bloody" or just "Spike?" 'cause either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.
Spike: (tartly) Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance.
Buffy: What's wrong with Buffy?
Giles: Huh... such a good question.
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Buffy: There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception...
Spike: Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.
Buffy: How about a daytime ceremony. In the park.
Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust.
Buffy: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, only.
Spike: Warm breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again you're registering as Mr. and Mrs. Big-Pile-of-Dust.
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Buffy: Spike and I are getting married!
Xander: How? What? How?
Giles: Three excellent questions.
Spike: [to Buffy] What are you looking at?
Buffy: The man I love.
[She and Spike kiss, long and salaciously. Xander and Anya avert their eyes.]
Xander: Can I be blind too?
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Xander: Just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of looooove... Okay, that was gross.
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Willow: Eat a cookie, ease my pain?
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Spike: Don't I get a cookie?
Buffy: No.
Spike: Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.
Buffy: You're a pig, Spike.
Spike: Yeah, well, I'm not the one who wanted "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance.
(Xander, Anya and Giles turn and stare incredulously at Buffy.)
Buffy: (embarrassed) ... That was the spell!
Hush
Willow: Man, that was an exciting class, huh?
Buffy: Oh, yeah — wow.
Willow: And the last twenty minutes — it was a revelation. Just laid out everything we need to know for the final. I'd hate to have missed that.
Buffy: Just tell me I didn't snore.
Willow: Very discreet. Minimal drool.
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Riley: So tell me about your dream. As a psych major, I'm qualified to go, "hmm..."
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[Spike complains about the lack of "Weetabix" cereal.]
Giles: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yep. Well, sometimes, I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood -- give it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.
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[At Giles's apartment, Xander and Anya are arguing about their relationship.]
Xander: If you don't know how I feel about -
Anya: I don't. This isn't a relationship! You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
[The others are silent with disbelief.]
Xander: OK... remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Giles: Please don't.
...
[Giles dumps Spike on Xander.]
Giles: I have a friend who's coming to town and I'd like us to be alone.
Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Giles: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said.
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[Willow complains to Buffy about her college Wiccan group.]
Willow: Talk. All talk. "Blah blah Gaia, blah blah moon." Menstrual lifeforce power thingy. You know, after a couple of sessions I was hoping we would get into something real but...
Buffy: No actual witches in your witch group?
Willow: No, bunch of wanna-blessed-bes. You know, nowadays every girl with a Henna tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones.
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[Xander ties Spike to a chair before getting into bed.]
Spike: Don't see why I have to be tied up.
Xander: It's just while I'm sleeping.
Spike: Like I'd bite you, anyway.
Xander: Oh, you would.
Spike: Not bloody likely.
Xander: I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Spike: Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat.
Xander: And don't you forget it.
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Spike: (Mimicking Anya) Xander, don't you care about me?
Xander: Shut up.
Spike: We never talk...
Xander: Shut up!
Spike: Xaaaander...
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[The episode's villains have stolen everybody's voices, so the dialogue is all written or mimed]
Giles: Who are the Gentlemen?
Giles: They are fairy tale monsters.
Giles: What do they want?
Willow: [points at her chest]
Xander: [cups himself; silently, but you can read his lips:] Boobies?
Giles: Hearts.
Willow: [points to the white board saying she meant hearts, not boobies]
Giles: They come to a town.
Giles: They steal all the voices no one can scream.
Giles: Then? [shows drawings of Gentlemen ripping out the heart from a person in bed]
Giles: They need seven, they have at least two.
Xander: How do we kill them?
Buffy: [mimes stabbing gesture, but she looks more like masturbating a man]
Giles, Willow, Xander: [look at Buffy with disturbed faces]
Buffy: [mimes again stabbing gesture, this time with a stake]
Giles, Willow, Xander: [look at Buffy, relieved]
Giles: In the tales no sword can kill them.
Doomed
[The gang discusses a mysterious symbol.]
Willow: Right. It was carved into his chest, like a big creepy eye.
Xander: It's kind of the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?
Buffy: I'm telling you I've seen this somewhere before. I just can't remember where! I mean, it's like...
Giles: It's the end of the world.
Buffy, Willow, Xander: Again?
Giles: It's, ah, the earthquake... that symbol... yes.
Buffy: I told you. I-I said "end of the world", and you're like "poo-poo, southern California, poo-poo"!
Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
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Xander: Besides, look on the bright side. If we don't come up with a solution, we might face an apocalypse.
Spike:[extremely happy] Really? You're not just saying that?
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Spike: What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still afoot. That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can’t go without your Buffy? Is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One, after all. ... Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice... and for... the safety of puppies – and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! ... Let’s kill something! [Fade to black.] Oh, come on!
A New Man
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[Spike is in the process of 'moving out' of Xander's basement.]
Xander: You own nothing. This shouldn't be taking so long.
Spike: Hang on. Let a fella get organized. [picks up radio.]
Xander: That's my radio!
Spike: And you're what? Shocked and dissapointed? I'm evil!
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Giles: Spike. Wonderful. A perfect end to a perfect day.
Spike: Giles?
Giles: Go on, then. Let's get on with the fighting -- You understand me?
Spike: Of course I understand you.
Giles: I'm speaking English?
Spike: No, you're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl. And... by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? You just come over all demony this morning?
...
Spike: And I'm just supposed to help you out of the evilness of my heart?
Giles: Y-you help me and I-I don't kill you.
Spike: Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter.
Giles: Money. I could pay you money.
Spike: Oh, I like money. How much?
Giles: A h-hundred dollars.
Spike: A hundred dollars? You'll have to do a lot better than that. Two-hundred.
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The I in Team
Willow: Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend.
Anya: [offhandedly while stacking her chips] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
[Xander loses control of the deck he was shuffling.]
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Buffy: Will, I think you better get used to- a Twinkie!? That's his lunch? Oh, he is so gonna be punished.
Willow: [pouty] Everyone's getting spanked but me.
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Buffy: (steely voice) Professor Walsh. That simple little recon you sent me on... wasn't a raccoon. Turns out it was me trapped in the sewers with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons. If you think that's enough to kill me, you really don't know what a Slayer is. Trust me when I say you're gonna find out.
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Goodbye Iowa
Buffy: Now, I don't generally like to kill humans, but I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life.
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Buffy: Spell it out for me - I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on.
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Buffy: I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make it pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine.
(uncomfortable pause)
Buffy: That probably would've sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.
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[Buffy and Willow are discussing Adam]
Buffy: I could barely fight him. It was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast, he gave the commando guys the slip with no problem.
Willow: There's gotta be a flaw.
Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight.
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